Good evening and welcome to Hell's Garbage Masher.

I'm your host, Archibald Marco Jacques Empuu Cheryl Fungarelli Blatherington-Schmidt XVIII.

[Sound of channel changing]

...but for time and decency's sake, I won't go into that here. So anyway, I saw this billboard on the side of the Interstate today advertizing some snazzy subdivision, and, among other things, it said "Affordable Golf Course Living." What does this mean? Is your home cheaper if you live on the golf course? "Say, Jones, where do you hang your hat?" "Oh me, I live in that shack next to the sand trap on Hole 17." "Hole 17, oh you lucky bastard. I'm stuck in a bathysphere at the bottom of the Hole 11 Water Hazard." "Well at least you don't have golf balls flying through your windows all the time, Smith. My wife got hit pretty bad in the head the other day." "Really? I've got to go through a Triathlon to get out of the house, Jones. Showing up at work covered with pond water and sweat, rea--"

[Sound of channel changing]

And now, the weather.

[TV clicks off]

Bloody idiots. I just have to look out the window to see that.